Every year insurance companies have to deal with lots of bogus claims. Sometimes the claims are just too bizarre to be false. We take a look at 50 of the most outrageous insurance claims ever put to paper.

Few people taking out a small business insurance policy will ever make these bizarre claims:

50. Shoe Polish

Among the more unusual insurance claims to land on the desks of bemused legal staff was for a bottle of shoe polish after the claimant’s shoes were scuffed in an accident.

49. mobile DJ

A mobile DJ claimed for a new CD collection because he wanted to upgrade his vinyl collection.

48. Car owner has whiplash

A car owner claimed to be compensated for whiplash, headaches and backaches even though he was in the pub when his car was hit.

47. Speeding man claims new watch

A man caught speeding actually claimed for a new watch. He insisted that if he had a new watch then he wouldn’t be late and wouldn’t have to speed.

46. Half the ink from a biro pen

One man actually tried to claim for the ink from a biro pen after he filled out notes from an accident.

45. Man snoozes until tide wrecks van

A man in the north of England was having such a relaxing time on holiday that he fell asleep beside a beach. While he was asleep the tide came in and washed his van out to sea. The man escaped but the van wasn’t so lucky…

44. Raining Apples

A man had the shock of his life when it started raining apples on his car. The apples were from a nearby forklift truck.

43. It’s not my fault

This is from an insurance claim. Someone avoided taking responsibility for an accident by saying “I knocked over a man. He admitted it was his fault as he had been run over before”. A very odd excuse of avoiding taking the blame for a an accident.

42. Avoiding an accident

Here’s another excuse from a claim form. George Orwell would be proud of this “double speak”, “To avoid a collision I ran into the other car.”

41. How does an invisible car vanish?

“An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my car and vanished.” Claimed the report of one motorist. Just how invisible can a car be?

40. He should be a writer with observations like this

Sometimes you just get the feeling somebody should be a writer. Descriptive writing as never been as moving as the next sentence, “I saw a slow moving, sad faced old gentleman as he bounced off the roof of my car.”

39. Taking the blame

Who knew Gordon Brown was a pioneer. When he said “I take full responsibility for what happened - that is why the person that was responsible went immediately”. Taking a leaf out of Gordon Brown’s book, one claimant said, “No one was to blame for the accident but it would never have happened if the other driver had been alert.”

38. Got him

Just when you thought it was safe to cross to the road…“The pedestrian ran for the pavement, but I got him.”. That’s the claim on another insurance form. Be safe when you cross the road in case you run into a manic like this on the road.

37. Twice in two weeks

How about this for accident prone? “The accident was caused by me waving to the man I hit last week.”

36. Timing

Sometimes people think the law doesn’t apply at certain times, “I didn’t think the speed limit applied after midnight”

35. How on earth did they manage this?

Sometimes parked cars are more dangerous than moving ones…“My car was legally parked as it backed into another vehicle.”

34. Can’t teach an old dog new tricks…

Why on earth would you ever put that you let a dog drive on a insurance claim. From the form, “I knew the dog was possessive about the car but I would not have asked her to drive it if I had thought there was any risk.”

33. Narrowing it down

So you think you know why a windscreen broke? Science or facts don’t mean anything these days. “Windscreen broken. Cause unknown. Probably Voodoo.”

32. Making sure

Have you ever made a bet with yourself? Sometimes you really don’t want to lose. One claim said, “I was sure the old fellow would never make it to the other side of the road when I struck him.”

31. Build a better fly trap…

They say “build a better mouse trap and the world will beat a path to your door”. One person took this to the extreme. They said, “In an attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole.

30. Honesty is not always the best policy

Q: Could either driver have done anything to avoid the accident? A: Travelled by bus?

29. Slow down there

Another genuine claim from someone who said, “I started to slow down but the traffic was more stationary than I thought.”

28. Psychics

Sometimes witnesses have no psychic abilities at all. One claim read, “No witnesses would admit having seen the mishap until after it happened.”

27. Caution – haggis!

Be afraid if you are in Scotland as haggis can be dangerous, from a report,”First car stopped suddenly, second car hit first car and a haggis ran into the rear of second car.”

26. Bad day

So you think you’ve had a bad day? If being run over once in a day isn’t bad enough, how about twice? “The car in front hit the pedestrian but he got up so I hit him again.”

25. Shake your fists at the innocent

Being in a car can be dangerous, especially when pesky pedestrians try to attack you. From a claim,”A pedestrian hit me and went under my car”

24. Hats are not helmets

A hat shouldn’t really be used as a helmet, from one report, “I told the police that I was not injured, but on removing my hat found that I had a fractured skull.”

23. Lamp-posts are not humans

“I bumped into a lamp-post which was obscured by human beings.”

22. Too honest?

Sometimes you don’t have to use mean words to show people who much you dislike them, from a claim,” The indirect cause of the accident was a little guy in a small car with a big mouth.”

21. Bumpers – more important than pedestrians?

Some people love their vehicles, but should you really try to hit a human to save a car? One report said,”To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front I struck a pedestrian.”

20. Why proofreading is important

Sometimes we overlook our own writing mistakes. One claim said, “I am responsible for the accident as I was miles away at the time.”

19. Monkeys are not the best listeners

If you think that monkeys will listen to your warnings then you’re wrong as this claim proved, “While proceeding through ‘Monkey Jungle’, the vehicle was enveloped by small fat brown grinning monkeys. Number three fat brown monkey (with buck teeth) proceeded to swing in an anticlockwise direction on the radio aerial. Repeated requests to desist were ignored. Approximately 2 minutes and 43 seconds later, small fat brown monkey disappeared in ‘Monkey Jungle’ clutching radio aerial.”

18. On impact

“I saw her look at me twice. She appeared to be making slow progress when we met on impact.”

17. Safety first

There are some drivers who are really safety conscious. They won’t let their own car skid without trying to take another off the road completely. “The accident occurred when I was attempting to bring my car out of a skid by steering it into the other vehicle.”

16. Asking the wrong question

Imagine the slow response to the question as posed on an insurance claim,”Mr. X is in hospital and says I can use his car and take his wife while he is there. What shall I do about it?”

15. The dog did it…

Sometimes the way we word a sentence can make us look insane. From an insurance claim, “I pulled in to the side of the rode because there was smoke coming from under the hood. I realized there was a fire in the engine, so I took my dog and smothered it with a blanket”.

14. Power steering is like learning to drive all over again

You might think that a vehicle with power steering is more difficult. Spare a thought for the following claimant, he thought power steering was so different to driving without it that he had to turn the wheel in the opposite direction. He’s the claim “I had been learning to drive with power steering. I turned the wheel to what I thought was enough and found myself in a different direction going the opposite way.”

13. Take a break

Drive on the motor way and there are frequent warnings that tired motorists should take a break behind the wheel. This advice seemed to have been missed by the following claimant “I had been driving for forty years when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident”. Forty years is a long time to be driving a car, no wonder he had an accident.

12. They’re never on time usually

Sometimes an accident really isn’t your fault. If in doubt, blame the bus driver. He’s the claim “I left for work this morning at 7am as usual when I collided straight into a bus. The bus was 5 minutes early”.

11. Warning – very slow moving vehicle.

Who says moving vehicles are the most dangerous? One man said, “ I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way”.

10. When plants attack

They say “never work with children or animals”, but maybe someone should add “never drive with plants” to the list. Here’s the claim, “I had been shopping for plants all day and was on my way home. As I reached an intersection a hedge sprang up, obscuring my vision and I did not see the other car”.

9. Moo-ving vehicles

The claimant had collided with a cow. The questions and answers on the claim form were - Q: What warning was given by you? A: Horn. Q: What warning was given by the other party? A: Moo.

8. You do the math

“The accident happened because I had one eye on the lorry in front, one eye on the pedestrian and the other on the car behind.” 7. Danger is his middle name Not everyone can be a daredevil. Some of us like the more sedate things in life. This is a reply to a question on an insurance form. “ Q: Do you engage in motorcycling, hunting or any other pastimes of a hazardous nature? A: “I Watch the Lottery Show and listen to Terry Wogan.”

6. Torpedoed

“My car got hit by a submarine.” (The Navy informed the wife of a submariner that the craft was due in port. She drove to the base to meet her husband and parked at the end of the slip where the sub was to berth. An inexperienced ensign was conning the sub and it rammed the end of the slip, breaking a section away, causing her car to fall into the water. The Navy paid the compensation claim

5. One careful owner

“I was backing my car out of the driveway in the usual manner, when it was struck by the other car in the same place it had been struck several times before.”

4. A picture is worth a thousand insurance claims

You don’t have to write an essay on an insurance form to get your point across, sometimes a picture is enough. Check out this picture on an insurance form. The accompanying text is even more insightful, with a picture of two men and one saying “ooooh look at me I’m a freeloading chav who doesn’t have whiplash”.

3. Distractions

Any insurance claim that mentions an elephant and a camel is automatically in our top three. Here is the insurance claim, “I started to turn and it was at this point I noticed a camel and an elephant tethered at the verge. This distraction caused me to lose concentration and hit a bollard”.

2. Make sure you get him

This guy takes pride in his work, he doesn’t stop until he gets the job done. “The guy was all over the road. I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him”.

1.Check your window first

If you want to check your window is down then don’t put your hand through it. This insurance claim wanted compensation for putting his hand through the window “I thought my window was down but found it was up when I put my hand through it”. Do you know of any bizarre insurance claims that we’ve missed? Leave your suggestions in the comment section below.